i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
