Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
