I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
