just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
