I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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