I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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