it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
