ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
