he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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