ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
