It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
