In America we eat man semen.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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