I wanna bring you to show and tell
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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