God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
