I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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