I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
