Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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