What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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