Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
