so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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