i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
