She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
