im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
