i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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