Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
