Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
