I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
