Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
