Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
