You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
