I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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