my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Couch. On fire.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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