We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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