Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
time to smoke my breakfast
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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