Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just gargled with NyQuil
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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