guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
