I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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