I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
