Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
