apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
