there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
