The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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