Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
