HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
