Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
