proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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