party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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