I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
