It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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