a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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