Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
