I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
