I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
