The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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